I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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