i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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