remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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