im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
