I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
