I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
