and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
