my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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