Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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