Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Do vagina's smell?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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