hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize