I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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