I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
