ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
