you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
