My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
