thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
