i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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