nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
