I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
