Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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