He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
