we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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