Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
