She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
