the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
