I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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