I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
