and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
