I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize