wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
