Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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