I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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