Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
