$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
