i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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