office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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