this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
