Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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