I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Enjoy the penises
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
