It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
