I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize