i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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