i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
