So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
