It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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