M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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