Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
