you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
