I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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