Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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