I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
