I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
