Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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