after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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