Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
