you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
