no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
