Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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