i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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