Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
