dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize