omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
