"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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