Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
