just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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