I'm really into asian looking animals
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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