Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize