apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
