Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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