And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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