so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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