Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
