9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
