I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I can't put those talents on a resume
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
