honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
