I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
vagina is talking i cant
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
