life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
My nipple is on Facebook.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
