If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
