When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
