ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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