we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
