Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
