Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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