My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
