they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
