butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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