If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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