He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
All the doctor said was why
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
