Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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