weddingsv make me drug and hornr
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
