Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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