Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize